Guilt and Low Self Esteem - How to Understand and Overcome these Issues

Guilt is an emotion that few of us like to feel or even admit that we carry – but it is the single most damaging emotion that we have. It destroys our relationships and our success as well as robbing us of our happiness in life. We must understand and let go of our guilt if we are to reach our full potential in life.

As a baby or infant we are totally dependent on our parents for our needs - sustenance, security and very importantly, love. If we have any sense that these needs are not met, perhaps due to our parents emotional, health or own relationship problems, then we will feel that something is lacking. We can summarise this as the amount of bonding we experience in our early formative years - the lower the quality of bonding in our original family, the more likely we are to believe that love is scarce and even more critically that we lack love. The heartbreak and traumas around unmet needs in our original families can cause us to draw two very damaging conclusions:

1) My parents failed me

It is fairly easy to see that if our needs have not been met, we will feel let down. We end up feeling resentful towards our parents and may then blame them for their shortcomings and our problems in life.

2) I failed my parents

This second conclusion is much more surprising and destructive because it is the source of huge amounts of guilt. The amount that we feel we have been let down in our relationship with our parents is balanced by the amount we believe we have failed them. This is one of the most important things we can ever learn about relationships. Even as children we take on a great responsibility for the quality of our relationships, particularly with our parents and siblings. If anything is going wrong in the family we will tend to blame ourselves.

Both these conclusions, usually held subconsciously create guilt and this can become accentuated later in life as we blame ourselves for letting other people down, say in romantic relationships or work situations. Not only do we fell guilty for not being good enough, but we also take on all our family's emotional pain and guilt that they have not been able to deal with in their lives. You can see that guilt comes from a horrible tangle of misunderstanding about relationships!

The famous psychoanalyst Freud provided us with another concept - Oedipal guilt. Based on the Greek myth of Oedipus, where a son killed his father, and married his mother. Although such relationships are difficult to accept, given their societal taboos, most people are familiar with cases where a child is very closely attached to the parent of the opposite sex. When this happens the other parent feels excluded and that they have lost the love of their partner. This sets up a competitive triangle in which all parties have deep, suppressed guilt. This is felt strongly (for instance) where a son is guilty for having stolen his father from his mother. The same thing can happen between fathers and daughters. Many psychologists believe that the experience of being part of a triangle as children is replayed in our adult relationships in the form of affairs.

With such a potentially huge amount of guilt, it is not surprising that we move out into our world with low self-esteem - feeling we have been bad and don't deserve to receive life's riches - particularly love. These are very unpleasant sensations so we typically behave in ways that deny them and later we may hide them entirely from our conscious awareness. Unfortunately the low self-worth and guilt is still present in our unconscious memory and can easily sabotage our lives.

Although we made these choices about our self-worth many years ago, guilt acts as a backdrop to our adult lives. Guilt really is a terrible trap and one that most people are unaware they have. It manifests itself through a variety of thoughts, attitudes and negative behaviours that all try to compensate for the guilty feelings inside - essentially smokescreens to hide our guilt from the people around us and even ourselves. You will know you have layers of guilt, if your life is not full of success, loving relationships and a sense of peace and fulfilment.

The key to healing guilt and low self-esteem is to understand what was happening in your original family, accept that you made mistaken choices about your self-worth and guilt. To do this, try to accept that your parents were doing their very best for you given their own circumstances. They loved you dearly but there may have been times when they struggled to express this adequately or when life's challenges made things difficult for them. Above all you must find a way of forgiving yourself and the people around you for what happened all those years ago. As you forgive and rediscover your innocence you will learn to love yourself - then your life will take great leaps forward!

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Chemistry!

The Stoic Lucius Seneca once wrote: "It is part of the cure to want to be cured."

This simple observation reflects our current understanding of the relationship between mind and body. There is a close correlation between physical actions and mental states. Certain actions can impact our mental attitudes and our mental attitudes influence our physical being because the mind and body constantly talk to one another. The brain sends all that it thinks and perceives to the rest of the body.

An extreme example of this interconnection can be seen in the effects of voodoo. In the 1940s, Harvard physiologist Walter Cannon spent several years collecting examples of "voodoo death" -- case histories of men and women who died as a result of being the recipient of a curse, an alleged supernatural visitation or the breaking of some tribal or cultural taboo. Cannon concluded that humans could die from "the fatal power of the imagination working through unmitigated terror." Another researcher, Dr. J.C. Barker, in Scared to Death -- a collection of case histories of individuals who had willed themselves or others to death -- concluded that voodoo-like death results "purely from extreme fear and exhaustion...essentially a psychosomatic phenomenon."

How is it possible for thoughts to impact the body so drastically?

It is possible because the central nervous system and the body's immune system are hard-wired together. In 1981 neurobiologist David Felten and a team of researchers at the Indiana University School of Medicine found the first concrete example of the mind/body connection -- a bridge between the body's immune system and the central nervous system that is under control of the brain. While tracing nerves to bone marrow, lymph nodes and the spleen, Felten's team discovered a network of nerves leading to blood vessels as well as to cells of the immune system. They found that nerves in the thymus and spleen terminated near clusters of lymphocytes and mast cells, which help control immune function. In other words, the brain absolutely communicates with immune-system cells.

This establishes a close correlation between a person's mental state and physical reactions. You can generate an emotion simply by going through the appropriate muscle movements. For example, if you clench your fist and scowl, you will begin to feel anger. Force yourself to laugh and you will begin to feel good. The specific muscle action is an integral part of the corresponding emotion. You cannot hold your features in the expression of one emotion and call up the feeling of a different emotion at the same time. It is impossible to do.

Paul Ekman, Professor Emeritus at the University of California at San Francisco, is a pioneer in the study of emotions and facial expressions. His research on more than 200 kinds of smiles demonstrated that you could actually alter your emotional state and immune system by smiling or frowning. When Ekman's research subjects were trained to control their facial muscles and voluntarily form smiles, their physiological processes altered immediately and their hormones changed drastically.

So when you smile, you alter your blood chemistry. The natural opiates in your system and your neuropeptides change. These chemicals are located not only in your brain but in your stomach and intestines.

What does this have to do with hypnosis?

Hypnosis is the most powerful tool we possess for changing thoughts and attitudes. It is a trance state characterized by relaxation, extreme suggestibility and hyper-attentiveness. The subject is fully conscious, but chooses to focus internally while ignoring external stimuli.

Hypnosis allows one to access the subconscious mind directly. In this relaxed, hyper-attentive state, the subject experiences the hypnotist's suggestions as if they were real. If told that his or her tongue has swollen to double its normal size, the subject will have difficulty talking. If told that his/her hands are glued together, the subject cannot pull them apart. By the same token, the subject is receptive to suggestions that are designed to change destructive thought patterns and habits such as anxiety, depression, stress, smoking and eating disorders.

A potent example of hypnosis' power to affect physiology through the brain connection is its medical use. Since all pain is transmitted through the brain, the pain associated with surgery or medical conditions responds well to hypnosis. Hypnosis is an effective anesthesia for surgeries, dental procedures, childbirth and migraines. It also helps patients to manage nausea and symptoms from chemotherapy by enhancing control over their body responses.

The mind/body connection is the key to why hypnosis can be used so successfully to manage our physiology. Hypnosis gives us the power to alter our mental attitudes for the better; this in turn positively impacts our physical being.

In light of this potent interplay between mind and body, we would do well to take seriously the old Cole Porter song: "Accentuate the positive; eliminate the negative; latch on to the affirmative." And enjoy happy body chemistry as your reward!

Be the Center of Attention - Anytime, Anywhere

When you are a socially-skilled person, you will achieve a higher level of greatness only because other people will promote you by telling others what a great person you are to be around or to do business with. Yes, these skills will help you make lots of money.

My friend "Red" was the consummate people-person. He made a small fortune selling used cars - part time! People made an appointment with him just to buy from him and only him! They spread the word to their friends that Red was the go-to guy for a used car.

When you master the following social skills, you will have the trust and all-out support of others just like Red. These will be people you have helped who are eager to help you. All you have to do is ask and they will bend over backwards to get you what you need. This gives you a small army of people who will help you achieve anything your heart desires.

Once you learn the following social skills and apply them, you reach a level self-empowerment never imagined by you. In effect, self-empowerment is making a general overhaul of your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person. You just have to know and apply the following 10 skills.

1. Be genuine.

Make sure you go at this with good motives. People can read a phony and you will be stopped before you can even get started because people will tell others to keep away from you.

Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet. Once they perceive that you have selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact and listen intently because every word they speak matters. And, ask questions to draw them out. Resist giving them unsolicited advice. Just listen, ask questions, and listen some more. Soon they will see that you are a person they can confide in.

3. Laugh out loud.

Don't force yourself to laugh at every joke or comment if you do not find it funny. A polite smile is fine in that case but, if it's funny to you, laugh out loud. Find humor in things and don’t be deadly serious about everything. When you display an awesome sense of humor, you will attract others and eventually, build successful relationships.

4. Don't forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, guard against allowing others to walk all over you. If you love and value yourself before anyone else, if you see yourself worthy of affection and respect, people will flock to you and not simply use you. What do I mean by this? It's a fact that some people will see your personality as weak and will not take you seriously. Ignore them and move to others who appreciate you.

5. Be a "good-deed-doer.”

You don't have to give until you are broke. In fact, money is the worst thing you can give. Instead, do little acts of kindness. These matter most and can be as simple as sending someone a surprise "Thinking of you" card or helping someone acquire something they need through one of your friends or contacts. I often use my network of acquaintances to make things happen for others with a simple phone call.

6. Contact your old friends.

Many friendships are destined to end for various reasons beyond our control. But, thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping through your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you, and them, feel good all over.

If you locate them, don't make direct contact at first. Instead, break the ice by sending a card with your phone number enclosed. Invite them to contact you. Let things take a natural course. They may have reasons for not renewing the friendship.

7. Kill your negative personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally a doom-and-gloom person? If you are, I'll bet you can count your friends and acquaintances on one hand! Get rid of those traits and habits that have been hampering your growth. No one wants to be around a grouch.

8. Be confident.

This takes courage at first but learn to move around a room of people and purposely introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant. Apply #1 and #2 above as you meet and greet new people.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of the situation. Transform your anger into something more productive. If your anger rises to gigantic proportions easily, people will find it hard to confide in you. In fact, people will avoid you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Whatever happens in life, your relationships with your family, friends and significant others are so precious that you must not neglect them. Keep them active by going out and having fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never elude you when the people who matter most to you are close to you.

In the end, self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation - people know they can turn to you for help and comfort and they will be eager to return the favor.

Yours for success in life.

LAW OF ATTRACTION - BREAKING DOWN THE 3-STEP CREATIVE PROCESS

For most - if not all - of us, our path in life requires continual adjustment. There are things we want but don't have. There are things we have but don't want. And there are things we have that would be fine with a little alteration. For some, this process of course correction is natural and flowing. But for many of us, we grow impatient and/or discouraged.

Compounding our discomfort, law of attraction says that we attract into our lives more of what we focus on. When we focus on something we want, we attract more of that thing or condition. If we focus on a condition or thing we don't want - a problem - we attract more of THAT thing or condition.

Unwanted situations will always come up whether we like it or not. The good news is that those things and conditions which are not to our liking are the birth of all creation. How would we ever know what we do want without the contrast of what we do not?

THE 3-STEP PROCESS

As humans in an attraction-based universe, we live in an endless, looping, 3-part creative cycle. A thing or condition we want to be different gives birth to a preference, the new preference then exists in our consciousness where it did not before, and finally we receive the new thing or allow the new condition into our experience.

When we've identified what we don't want which happens constantly (step one), step two begins. We become aware of what we do want. We begin to notice things. If in step one we had the thought, "I want or need more money," we might now begin to notice other people with money or things that cost money. What we now desire exists as a concept in our consciousness, but we don't have it yet in our experience. How we feel about this new desire is our most valuable clue about how we are doing with step three. The better and more optimistic we feel, the better we are doing.

Step three is where the artistry of law of attraction really comes into play. This is where we receive the manifestation of what we've so far only summoned into our consciousness with the first two steps. Doing this takes allowing. By allowing, I mean the releasing of resistance.

RELEASING RESISTANCE

Even though it may not feel like we are resisting what we want, we are. For even in resisting the circumstance that we want to change, that same resistance is at work preventing us from receiving the thing we do want. Resistance is energy. When we focus in a resistant way, that energy is present in all areas for us.

Learning to release resistance can at first be counter-intuitive. We cannot release resistance directly. Attention given to anything, whether our intention is to get rid of the thing or summon it, causes MORE of that thing in our experience. To truly release resistance to a circumstance is a function of allowing the circumstance to exist and putting our focus on how we want things to be instead. However, there is a difference between focusing on how we want something to be and focusing on that it is not that way yet. How we feel about something is our indicator of allowance or resistance. The better it feels, the less resistance (and more allowance) is present.

Albert Einstein suggested that a problem cannot be solved at the same level of thinking at which it was created. Here I equate "problem" with "circumstance". After all, a circumstance we don't want is indeed a problem. If Einstein is correct, we need to think on a new level to change our circumstance. We need to focus our attention on thoughts that cause allowing energy or, at the very least, that don't cause resistance.

RECOGNIZING RESISTANCE

A thought that creates resistance is one in which we say something is one way and it should not be that way. When we reject something in its entirety as wrong or bad, we generally introduce resistance. "I'm having a terrible day," is usually a resistant thought. "Nothing is going the way I want," is another. With this kind of "problem" thinking, we leave ourselves very little room to affect change.

When we can summon the wherewithal to say, "My day isn't all bad," and think, write or talk about those aspects that ARE working, resistance is released. Perhaps what Einstein had in mind with his observation about the level of thinking it takes to solve a problem, is to think on that more subtle, component level. Focusing on those aspects of a circumstance that do work summons more workability.

The steps of noticing what we don't want in our lives and having what we'd prefer show up in our consciousness happen with no effort on our part. Becoming effective within the law of attraction is a function of getting good at step three. The more we can notice resistant thoughts that come up for us, and practice choosing thoughts that release that resistance, the better our results - and our experience - will be.

How to Find True Happiness For Life

Each person has the power to find true happiness. It's a way of how you see situations that happen in life.

For example, you're caught in traffic for hours. As soon as you get the chance to break free, another driver cuts in. A group of life coaches and psychologists explain that if you're happy, you won't get out of the car and scold the other driver, kick his car, and fret that your day is all messed up.

Instead, positive behaviors pump in so you breathe in and out for ten times; you try to understand that the other driver is in a real emergency; you sit back and let the other car cut through; and you just be grateful that you still have a room for stress relief and look forward to more inspiring things to happen in that day.

Ask most people how to find true happiness and what would make them happy, and they would tell you that a promotion, a new car, wining the lottery, or just getting married would give them true happiness.

They are blinded by their belief that real happiness is something that the world provides. In reality, true happiness depends on your outlook in life. It comes from within.

Every person asks how to find true happiness; but you must understand that happiness, like most things, does not happen overnight. The key is to be content with what you have and work out a plan to achieve the things you want. For this to happen, you must have a set of goals. The same goals will help you create out a vision and a meaning to live each day.

Instead of worrying too much, look at the better possibilities of each situation. Have confidence in your ability to handle life's issues.

Never focus on how to be happy just by dreaming about it; for affirmations work better if your actions lead you to your goals. By then you will enjoy what you're doing and understand how to find true happiness.

The Key to Genuine Happiness

There are many people who are facing the same circumstances as you but they live fascinating and wonderful lives. How did their lives become so adorably sweet? How do they manage to laugh and play despite their circumstances?

The key to maintaining a happy attitude, no matter the circumstances, is simple. You've heard it said - "Love yourself, first." That's true enough but it's not the answer to our question. No, the answer is - "Like you, first.” That's right - Like You! Be your best friend.

Your real life best friend likes who you are right now with all your imperfections, quirks, and circumstances. For true happiness, you must become your best friend before you can begin to love yourself. Loving yourself means not doing things that will hurt you in some way. You'll never get me bungee jumping or skydiving because I love this body I live in!

You may also have heard it said - “loving means accepting.” Change this to - "liking means accepting." To like yourself, and others, means to realize that we are not perfect beings. You will never be perfect no matter how long you walk this earth. No one living today are perfect. No, not anyone!

Liking yourself means developing an attitude of genuine contentment. When you accept your current job, accept the way you look, accept your family, accept your friends, your home, your car, and all the material things you now have – truly, you know what genuine contentment is. You have begun to love yourself and be genuinely happy.

An unhappy person never accepts the good in their circumstances because they are always comparing themselves to someone who seems to have what they think they are lacking. This is an exercise in "stinkin’ thinkin’." They see themselves as unlucky and as a failure in life. They don't like themselves.

You will never like yourself if you compare yourself to other people. If you keep questioning life like it has never done you any good or that you are a failure, you will never be able to find genuine happiness. So . . .

1) Snap out of it!

2) Stop the comparisons! Stop seeing others as better off than you are or more intelligent than you are! You really have no idea of the details of their lives so your comparison is flawed from the start. You simply do not have enough information to make a comparison.

3) Stop the expectations! Stop placing unreasonable expectations on yourself and others based upon false information. Are you a glutton for self-punishment?

4) Get over yourself! You'll never be perfect, remember?

Life can be the greatest game. Go at it with gusto. It's about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. These are as necessary as air is to living. These are your teachers. Embrace them with enthusiasm.

Is anyone genuinely happy in spite of life's trials and tribulations or are they just acting like they are? Here again we are making comparisons.

Does it matter to you if anyone else is truly happy? No, it doesn't, at this point. You see, you need to get yourself in line with life before you can worry about anyone else. You need to focus on YOU!

You need to focus on improving how you feel about the quality of you own life and your inner being. It starts and ends within YOU!

Here is a revealing exercise.

Start each day with a blank sheet of paper divided into two columns. Label one column - "Positive Stuff,” label the other column - "Negative Stuff.” At the end of each day write down as many positives and negatives that you experienced that day. Write down only those that really stick out. Now, study your lists.

This exercise will reveal just where your attitude needs to change toward all the things in life that you confront each day. As you examine your list, ask yourself two questions:

1) "Why do I feel that's positive?"

2) "Why do I feel that's negative?"

Now, examine your inner definitions of what's positive and what's negative. You decided what's positive and what's negative by using your expectations of how you believe you should have handled what the world threw at you that day, right? The key to finding contentment and genuine happiness is to change your definitions, the way you evaluate how you handle life. But, how do you change your definitions and begin to become genuinely happy?

Everyone has a personal definition of "happiness." Happiness for a writer may mean having a first novel published. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean five dollars handed to him by a generous passerby. Happiness for a businessman may mean a 5% profit margin. But all those are temporary. All those exist in a moment in time.

Would the writer be content with having only a single article published? Would the rookie be content to just enjoy playing the game? Would the beggar be content with just one dollars? Would the businessman be content with a 2% profit margin? Contentment is knowing that current circumstances change minute-by-minute, day-to-day, realizing that "every day above ground is a good day!" Simple.

So, how do you become genuinely happy? Realize that your happiness does not depend upon having the best things in this world. It’s about doing and making the best out of every single thing you have. Smiling at your own mistakes and telling yourself - “Oh, I’ll do better next time” - is a powerful mental tool that you can use anytime the situation calls for it. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try, a willingness that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to like yourself by accepting your faults, you have begun the journey toward becoming genuinely happy. By accepting yourself first, you will be more accepting of others. You will see life as a great and fun game in which to play. You will accept your wins and your losses with equally positive enthusiasm because it really makes no difference to your inner self.

Let me leave you with one more thought - Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughing at your own mistakes and foibles. Laughing at yourself will truly set you free to live life with genuine happiness.

Can wealth bring greater happiness?

Can money bring you happiness? This question must have been deliberated since money was invented.


Since this question is too broad for a short article, we shall focus on the narrower question of whether people are happier when they have more money.


A very common belief in many societies is that money does lead to contentment and happiness. Indeed it was published by D Myers in American Psychologist in 2000 that when people were asked what they believed they needed to have in order to be happy, one of the most pervasive answers is simply 'more money'.


What makes people think that more money will result in greater happiness? I have found the following three explanations are the most widespread:


1. Having more money allows one to realize more of the sought after things such as more spacious and finer cars and houses, going for more holidays and to exotic places, or to indulge oneself with luxuries.


2. Having more money allows oneself and one?s family to better weather through unexpected serious illnesses and disasters.


3. Having more money allows one to be able to perform more good for others who are less fortunate.


We can attribute the first explanation to the fact consumerism.


In a consumerist society, economists hold the view that consumption can stimulate a nation?s economic growth. Equipped with this blessing from the authorities, sellers unashamedly promote lavish and unnecessary consumption. Being able to have the means of living a life of luxury is seen to a status symbol of success, of having accomplished the desired goal. There is therefore the compelling need to keep up with the Joneses.


In a non-consumerist society such as Bhutan which is a very poor nation in the Himalayas, instead of promoting gross national product, the kingdom promotes gross national happiness. The outcome is that people seem to be happy despite the fact that they are actually very poor.


We can attribute the second explanation to the fear of not having the necessary amount of money to survive the unforeseen financially draining events that may occur.


In a communist nation, the basic needs of the people are taken care of by the nation. In a socialist nation, the basic needs are also well provided for all, whether they really need them or not. In order to counter communist and socialist influence, a capitalist government had also implemented systems where welfare of the so-called needy is well provided for. However, with the collapse of the Soviet Union and the economies of the Eastern Block nations, big strains on the resources on many socialist nations due to welfare systems, as well as the disappearance of the life-long employment system in almost all nations, a greater need for self-reliance becomes inevitable.


The third explanation can be viewed as a natural desire for people to want to contribute to the less fortunate. While this altruistic practice does not provide any material benefits to the givers, does provide the givers with non-tangible benefits.


This explanation is greatly enhanced by the giving by two of the world?s richest men - Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. However, many do not appreciate that their giving is consistent with the way they accumulate their wealth. Bill Gates, being a very hands-on man, contributes not only his money, but his time and energy, for his charity work. Warren Buffet, on the other hand, being a hands-off man, trusts his donation with Bill Gates, whom he believes will do greatest good for the money that he gives away.


These two men had shown that to be truly happy with how you give your money away to do good, you will have to do it in a way consistent with the modus operandi (mode of operation) in your life.


From the above discussion on the three explanations why people believe money can bring happiness, it is no surprise that research findings on whether money brings happiness has been mixed and sometimes conflicting. The following research results are note-worthy.


1. According to the paper Factors predicting the subjective well-being of nations by Diener, Diener and Diener in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1995), while there is a strong relationship between income and satisfaction at the lower income levels, the relationship becomes insignificant at the higher income level. This suggests that once the income rises above the poverty level, further increase in income does not increase happiness level by any significant level.


2. According to the paper The funds, friends and faith of happy people by D Meyers in American Psychologist (2000), while the U.S?s per capital GNP was more than twice that of Ireland, the levels of happiness were about the same. This suggests that people in a rich nation may not be happier than those in a poorer nation.


3. According to the paper A dark side of the American dream: Correlates of financial success as a life aspiration by Kasser and Ryan, in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1993), the more a person values money, the less satisfied he will be when he gets it. This suggests that in order to be happy, we need to value money less.

Hypnosis Therapy - Treating Health and Mental Problems With Hypnosis Therapy

It has been a proven fact that the mind can overrule the most basic of our body’s functions. Medical practitioners are using hypnosis therapy to help modern society cope with health-related problems today. In fact, hypnosis therapy is widely used on behavioral and mental problems as well, such as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, etc.

How Hypnosis Therapy Works

It works by putting the patient in a trance-like condition that increases the activity level of our brain, while the body is in a relaxed state.

During this stage, an individual can give cognitive “suggestions” to the person’s subconscious mind. Aside from being induced by another, it can be induced on your own using meditation – commonly termed as self-hypnosis.

Mind Over Body

The concept of hypnosis therapy is used to help a person cope with their psychological problems, such as fear, depression, anxiety, phobias, and health-risk habits like smoking.

In most cases, this form of treatment is being used by dieters and health-buffs to condition their mind to achieve their goal. Aside from these problems, pain brought by post surgical procedures can be relieved using this method.

Hypnosis therapy will not work if it is against the will of the patient. In most cases, drugs are usually administered to these individuals to put them in a trance-like state against their will. This is usually practiced in mental institutions in treating mentally ill patients.

The mind is definitely a powerful tool to affect the healing of the human body. Since the mind controls all the major functions in our anatomy, it is only proper to allow our conscious and subconscious thought to affect the normal facets of our body.

Using hypnosis therapy, you can be confident that the benefits it will bring to your health are tremendous.

Self Hypnosis Rocks Your Social Life

Self hypnosis can help you have the social life you have always dreamed of. Many of us wish that we had a larger circle of friends, or want to be more popular or beloved among the people we know. With self hypnosis, you may be able to achieve these social goals and more. Self hypnosis can help you learn to fully embrace the outgoing, charming sides of your personality so that you will feel more at ease at parties and other social gatherings. With the extra confidence boost that self hypnosis can offer, shyness will become a thing of the past as you learn to feel more poised in conversation and in group situations so that you can put your best face to the world.

Self hypnosis teaches you to train your mind so that you stay upbeat and positive about the likelihood of your social acceptance. This makes it easier for you to open up to new acquaintances, and can smooth your path to new friendships. Self hypnosis does not change who you are,but it does have the potential to help you share your natural personality with the world.

Self hypnosis teaches you to shake off the worries and fears that hinder your personal progress. With a bit of practice, you can use self hypnosis to train yourself to overcome your shyness and become more confident and bold. This can translate to greater social success than you ever thought possible. Self hypnosis can make you feel comfortable in situations that make you feel uncomfortable today. If you are tired of being a wallflower, self hypnosis just may hold the key to your future as a social butterfly.

The key to making self hypnosis the start of a new social life is very simple. All you need to do is to want to change. Making the leap to a new kind of social attitude can feel difficult, or even scary, but with the help of self hypnosis you can alter your behavior in order to let your true self shine through so that the world can see. Reinventing yourself and transforming from a shy introvert to the life of the party through sheer force of will is nearly impossible, but with the help of self hypnosis you can make a gradual change without having to struggle or stumble along the way. With self hypnosis, change is not difficult. All you need to do is to take the first step by learning basic self hypnosis technique, and then you can relax and let your unconscious and subconscious mind do the bulk of the work.

Self hypnosis is easy to learn, and simple to practice. If you ever find yourself wishing that you had an easier time making friends and meeting new people, give self hypnosis a try. In even just a few short weeks, you may find that you are substantially more confident and comfortable in all kinds of social situations that feel beyond your grasp today.

Summary
This article does a great job of telling how to get the most out of your social situations through self hypnosis. It is only one way that hypnosis can actually help you in your everyday life. You don't think hypnosis is practical? This article shows you differently. It can help in every situation you find yourself in throughout your life.

Creating A Winning Mindset Using The Power of Hypnosis

Do you know anyone who always wins? Sure you know that person, everything just works out for them. They go into business and they are an instant success. They enter the dating scene and their phone rings off the hook. If they were in the Olympics, you just know they wouldn't settle for anything less than the gold. It seems as though they always win. Why is it that some people just have IT and others seem not to? Want to learn the secret to their success? Ready? Here it comes....the secret to unstoppable success...drumroll please....Winners EXPECT to win!

That's the big secret. Simple, huh?

But, think about it for a moment...Winners actually SEE their success BEFORE it happens! Do YOU expect to win BEFORE you have even entered a situation...or do you assess your chances AFTER you are already in the situation? Or, even worse, do you imagine failure?

BEFORE selling a piece of real estate, winners EXPECT to get their asking price. BEFORE buying a car, winners EXPECT to get a discount.

Before running an Olympic race, winners EXPECT TO WIN the gold, so they do win! This one small thing gives winners a tremendous advantage over others.

Want to be a winner? Try the following exercise...

Close your eyes for a full minute and THINK about achieving a goal in your life...go ahead, close your eyes for one minute and really THINK about achieving it.

OK, now close your eyes again for one full minute and EXPECT to get it. Did you notice a difference? When we simply THINK about getting something, our thoughts tend to be vague.

There are also two options...getting it or not getting it (winning or losing). But, when we EXPECT to get it, there is only one possibility...getting it (winning).

So now that you know the secret, the next step is applying your powerful knowledge and getting yourself to that point where YOU ALWAYS EXPECT TO WIN. I suggest that you take a full minute pause right before entering any challenging situation. During that minute, close your eyes, and imagine winning. See it, feel it, hear it, imagine yourself already having won. Guess what...you will have programmed your mind to pull you powerfully in the winning direction.

When you do enter that situation, your words and actions will be generated from a winning mindset. Your path will be straight to victory...you will already know the way and EXPECT to get there...so you WILL get there. Using the power of hypnosis, you can easily program yourself for a constant winning mindset.

Until next time,

Live in abundant possibility!

Hypnosis - 12 Steps To Acquire Mind-Power

The 12 steps to acquire mind-power is intended to build positive visuals, acquire mind power and help you achieve your dreams and desires that may be as varied as improving your personality, increasing your wealth, attracting love and making yourself attractive.

Follow these steps I have specifically found to help anyone who is new to Power of Creative Visualization.

Step One
Choose a quiet place, which is free from all distraction, interruption or disturbance. This may even be inside a bus or in your own room. The idea is to be able to concentrate in any environment that you find is suitable. The ideal is to be able to concentrate in any environment that you find is suitable. The ideal time, however, I have found to be is, early in the morning or before going to bed. The ideal place however, may be anywhere as long as you can concentrate.

Step Two
Feel comfortable. Wear loose clothes or else loosen your belt and tie.

Step Three
Be comfortable. Keep your spine straight. Loosen your hands. Relax! This eases your body tension and helps your blood circulate efficiently.

Step Four
Close your eyes. That way your physical world does not interrupt you and you can concentrate on your mental world. But avoid quenching your eyes. Close them gently. In fact, once you focus on your images, you may find your eyes closing naturally.

Step Five
Breathe normally. Let your body roll with the rhythm of your breathing. Listen to that rhythm.

Step Six
Now begin the process of visualization. Create the key images of the subject you have chosen. Form the shape. Add color. Build the sound. Sense them! Focus on them. See them as sharply and clearly as you can with your mind’s eye.

Step Seven
Put yourself in the images you have created. You must be inside the picture so as to let your subconscious mind know that the image you see that leads to your goal is actually meant for you, and not for anyone else.

Step Eight
Feel the image you have created. Now that you are inside the picture imagine yourself to be leading the time you see. Feel the environment. Watch how different it feels to lead a life that you had desired. Bring your images alive.

Step Nine
Experience the images with all your emotions. See! Hear! Smell! Feel how it feels to have achieved your goals. Let the excitement and happiness of success flow through you. Let the thrill of success build in you. Feel your success.

Step Ten
Once you have experienced your images with emotion, let your mind go blank. If you hold on to your images for too long, the images might disappear due to overexposure. So, let go of it.

Step Eleven
Create a space in your mind to receive what you desire. Say to yourself that what you desire - like, “I deserve to be healthy”, “I deserve to be rich and famous.” By doing this, you not only let your subconscious mind support the picture, you literally achieve your success.

Step Twelve
Feel creative while creating the images. I have given you the basic guidelines in the following pages to create visuals that will help you achieve your goals. You may change them accordingly to suit your needs. The more the images meet your specific needs, the more effective they will be.

These then are the twelve important steps to mind-power. Remember, it is better to visualize 2-3 times a day for a shorter duration than to visualize for a long stretch during the day. Doing this, the quality of visuals remain fresh instead of becoming stale and plaid and draining all energy out of you.

Steps one to ten might take you anything between 5-10 minutes. It is better if you do not prolong it. Instead, repeat it at another time of the day.

When you release the image after this brief exercise, your mind will become free of the mind-power you had activated. But your subconscious mind keeps on supporting the image you had seen. This helps your goal and your dreams to be a reality.

The twelve steps to Mind power that I have explained above is the most powerful tool in this world. When you switch on your mind power and extend it to creative visualization for turning your dreams into reality - then, that is exactly what will happen. Your dreams will become reality.

Remember, with your mind you can rule the world.

Visualization And Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder greatly reduces the quality of a person's life. People who suffer from social anxiety miss out on so much that life has to offer. Opportunities are greatly limited, because the person who suffers from social anxiety cannot take advantage of any opportunity that might require social interaction - and most opportunities in life do require some sort of social interaction.

Visualization has been proven to be a very effective tool for dealing with social anxiety. Visualization is used to treat many disorders, and it is even used for pain management. Visualization can work in two ways: You can visualize yourself somewhere else, doing something else when you are in a social situation that is causing you anxiety, or you can visualize how a social interaction or event will play out before it occurs to prepare your mind for it.

The first method of visualization, where you visualize yourself in a different place from the one you are currently in is often used for pain management, or to calm down during anxious or stressful situations. The second method of visualization, where you visualize how a situation or event will play out, is the best visualization method for treating social anxiety disorder.

Using the second method of visualization, the concept is fairly simple. The theory is that if you visualize the situation or event in a positive way, over and over, before the event occurs, not only are you more prepared to handle it mentally, but it has been proven that if you think in a positive way, and visualize in a positive way, you will get positive results.

The second method prepares you for the event, but the first method is used during the event, in case you are feeling totally overwhelmed with the social situation that is going on around you. You simply remove yourself from the situation - mentally. People who suffer from social anxiety often use this method, but it should be considered a back-up plan, in case the first method fails to work once you are in the situation.

Visualization can be done with or without the aid of visualization tapes. There are tapes that can be purchased, but in the case of social anxiety, it is better to make your own tapes, since each tape will need to pertain to a specific social situation or event that is coming up in the future.

Visualization begins with some deep breathing exercises. Then, you close your eyes and begin to visualize the event. It is important that you visualize the event completely, starting from where you leave your house to go to the event. Make sure that you use all five senses to make it as real as possible in your mind. Be able to feel the clothes you are wearing, the smells that will be around you, the taste of the food that will be served, and the sound of people talking or music playing. Whatever the social situation will be, imagine it as clearly and realistically as possible.

Do not allow negative images to come into your mind. In your visualization, you should be handling the social situation very well. There is no fear. Nobody is staring at you or judging you. You are saying all the right things at the right times, and it is all going very well. Keep it positive!

Visualize a successful social interaction as many times as possible before the event, and make sure you do the visualization again right before the event. Also, prepare your backup visualization - the first method of visualization. You will need to practice the first method of visualization, where you can mentally remove yourself from an anxious situation, over and over again, until you are able to visualize yourself somewhere else that you consider safe and stress-free, without the use of visualization tapes.

If both methods fail you, first realize that it may take quite a bit of practice until it stops failing you. Then, just tell yourself that the event will end soon, and picture yourself arriving back at your home, where it is safe and comfortable. See yourself kicking your shoes off and fixing a bowl of ice cream. The event will be over soon, and then you can practice for the next event.

The important thing is to not stop trying. You will get it down eventually, and visualization will start to work for you, allowing you to do things that you never dreamed were possible!

Gary Miller is the author of "Prisoners of Our Thoughts: How to break free from the grips of Social Anxiety and Fear."

Change Means Action

"Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies." - Robert Kennedy

Change does have enemies and Robert Kennedy knew that truth and paid for it with his blood. Change can be dangerous. That is why our natural instinct is to stay the course; stay put; avoid trying something new; leaving well enough alone; being safe; and I could mention another twenty or so excuses. If you are the type that wants to stay in your comfort zone, you will never experience the immense joy that comes from living. In order to succeed we must take risks and that means we have to change. Robert Kennedy said this in the context of politics. He referred to making progress as a nation. The only way to make progress as a nation is to change our point of view, to change the way we govern ourselves, to change certain laws that are unfair, and change the way we deal with the bad guys.

But his words can apply to any aspect of life, not just politics. In my career as a trainer I can say that change is the one thing that is needed the most and done the least. I have seen people go way out of their way just to avoid change. I trained adults in job readiness skills. Let me tell you that there were times I couldn't even get an adult to change their seat after 20 minutes of being seated in class. That is how ridiculous we can get about change. We all need to train ourselves to be more open. But it goes further than that.

Change is an action word and that means we need to act if we are going to progress. Change is not a theoretical practice of the mind, it implies real physical movement. For example, we may say that we have changed our attitude towards someone, but unless that is followed up by an action towards that certain person, they are only shallow words. Change means to repent. I instantly scare people away as soon as I say that because of the religious overtones. Well you can apply this to religion if you like. All I am saying is when someone says to you to repent, it simply means to change what you are doing. Change requires 3 things. The first is to recognize the need to change. The second is you actually do the action that is required. The third is you maintain the new course of action. Those happen to be the same three things involved in repentance. They say that recognizing that you need to change is half the battle and that is so true in my experience. The changing part is actually a lot less difficult to do than the first part which again is recognizing that you need to change. The final part is easy. It just requires that you keep on doing the new action over and over again. The second part in the middle means you must turn around and do something different to prove that what you recognized as needed to be done will be done. Change is empowering no matter how small it is as long as it is positive. Today, why not give change a chance and perform an action that you know needs to be done in your life. You will be gratified and empowered when you do it!

Positive Affirmation Rewiring The Brain

A simple definition of positive affirmation states “An affirmation is a form of autosuggestion in which a statement of a desirable intention or condition of the world or the mind is deliberately meditated on and repeated in order to implant it in the mind”.

Is this just some New Age or Far Eastern idea of meditating and planting seeds of reality disillusionment, or is the idea of affirmation, backed by Neural Science?

Although the idea of the use of positive affirmation and meditation is often associated to some New Age “hocus pocus”, nothing could be farther from the truth.

These ideas are based on sound solid medical facts, and deal with the science of your mind and neural biology. The joining or wiring together of brain cells, is often referred to as, "cells that fire together, wire together", and the theory explains that, when we learn, groups of cells that are activated together, grow a stronger connection.

This grouping of common brain cells gives us our learned behaviour, it allows us to walk, talk, run, write, sing, in fact any learned activity we do, seemingly without thinking. But it goes much deeper than that, every bodily function and every aspect of our personality is in the wiring of these groups of brain cells.

Even before you were born your brain arranged cells or neurons in particular orders, testing and rewiring its circuits, routing and rerouting its electrical signals. The day you were born, you were programmed to function, to pump and clean blood, control an army of defence cells, feel hunger, digest and dare I see it, fill a nappy.

>From this day on you started to make use of your senses, collecting data, analysing and testing. You started to recognise smell, sound, taste and sites and form Neuron Circuits to help you identify these things again.

Was the smell good, how did I react to that taste, was this sound pleasant and did this look nice. Whatever the reaction was the first time around, will probably be the same again, the circuit is formed, the cells are structured, the brain is wired.

You test reaction and response, that’s why babies cry, you test taste and texture, you learn about pain, fear, love and laughter, and each action and re-action is wired in for future use.

So how does this process work?

The process of wiring habit, pattern or memory into your brain is in two steps.

As I have already mentioned, “At birth, you start to make use of your senses, collecting data, analysing and testing”, this is the first process of learning. This is the action of the objective or conscious mind, testing, retesting and programming data.

The second step takes place once all the data has been passed, and all responses verified, this is then belief, we know the fact to be true and the response to be appropriate and we then pass the fact to the subjective or subconscious mind, to be programmed in biologically.

So why do we need a Positive Affirmation, if we are passing facts to our subconscious?

Quite simply, to evolve our intellect, to achieve, to overcome and to grow as a human race. Now that’s quite a statement, but I’ll go further, “Positive Affirmation is the key to all advancement and all achievement, without exception”.

You see there is quite a biological flaw with our outstandingly clever bodies, wiring facts into our brain means that we can achieve and remember almost anything. The analysis of data, testing of response and the programming of our circuits seems a flawless system, but there is one big, giant monster of a stumbling block.

What happens if the data was wrong and the response defective or inappropriate?

So how do we overcome faulty facts? Well to coin a phrase, it’s just like riding a bike!

But seriously it is, just like riding a bike, and how you learnt to achieve this marvellous feat is the answer to the problem.

Riding a bike is one of the most unnatural things to do, your subconscious is already in charge of your balance and speed, the data has been tested, retested analysed and programmed as fact. You know how to stand up, walk and run. But a bike? Balance on a couple of square centimetres and propel yourself forward at three times the speed? I don’t think so!

“But you know it can be done, you practise, you tell your body to take the pain each time you fall, you are determined, you will achieve, overcome and ride this bike”.

This is a Positive Affirmation at work!

To help you see this as a positive affirmation let me make the statement personal lets go back to our time learning to ride a bike and say the statement to ourselves, as if we were still learning.

“But I know it can be done, I will practise, and tell my body to take the pain each time I fall, I am determined, I will achieve, overcome and ride this bike”.

A powerful Positive Affirmation!

Now lets imagine that you live in 1790 and a Frenchman gave you his new invention “The Celerifere”, this was one of the earliest bikes, with no steering.

Your beliefs and programming about balance and speed would be the same as they were when you actually learnt to ride a bike, but your experience would be different. You would never of seen one, never have witnessed it work and I’m sure you would believe, that the idea of a bike seemed an outrageous way to move.

How then, would your “Positive Affirmation” read?

It would probably go something like this.

“But I’m not sure if this can be done, I don’t know how much I can practise, and take this pain each time I fall, I will never do this, I can’t achieve or overcome and ride this bike”.

Hardly a Positive Affirmation, but an Affirmation all the same.

OK, so it’s easy to see how we can use a Positive Affirmation to achieve a physical goal, but it surely can’t make me earn more money, find love or be happy.

Or can it?

This is the second flaw in our biological make up.

Your subconscious does not think, it only accepts, it cannot decide. Your subconscious discharges chemicals into your bloodstream every time certain circuits are activated, and you will perceive these chemicals as emotion, but your subconscious doesn’t feel, it does not know whether these chemicals are good or bad, wanted or unwanted

If you’re in debt you will be all to familiar with the dread of the arrival of the postman, the feeling of another bill, another demand and then the bill arrives, the letter is opened, yet another demand or final notice, and you experience the feelings of despair and depression.

The event is anticipated and the relevant circuit is activated, the corresponding chemical is released and you perceive the chemical as emotion, as dread. The event happens and another circuit is activated, the corresponding chemical is released, and you perceive the chemical as emotion, as despair or depression.

But this then grows more powerfully as our bodies start to crave this chemical rush, and just like the smoker, who’s body crave the rush of nicotine or the drinker the rush of alcohol, your body is crying out for the rush of proteins that give you these emotions of dread, despair and depression and you will keep moving towards the things your body needs.

Our subconscious, does not analyse this, it does not know that you do not want this result, why should it? After all, you are the trainer, you set this in motion by practising the event every morning, you analysed it, and passed it on, therefore it must be true.

This is why the abused, seems to move from one abuser to another, or the failure to more failure and the broken heart to the heartbreaker.

Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not, if you cannot see that like attracts like, surely you can see that what you think you like, you will keep moving towards by default. By your very own actions, you are what you think about.

You have today, built your destiny for tomorrow, and you will continue to become the things you fear the most, that is, until you respond, until you stand up and shout out.

“I know it can be done, I will practise, and tell myself each time I fall, I am determined, I will achieve, I will overcome and ride towards my chosen destiny”

"I will be, what I will to be”

What a Positive Affirmation.

4 Powerful Steps To Gaining Confidence With Women

Dating is a source of recreation, and it is important to always keeping mind that it is also another way of getting to know and meet more people. This will make it less intimidating in going up to a woman and talking to her, if you tell yourself that it is pretty much the same as initiating a conversation with a stranger: scary, but not extremely so.

Men all over the world try endlessly to strike upon the right technique or pick up line, all to secure that first date, and then the subsequent and elusive second date. No technique or pick up line is going to work for you, if you lack self confidence. Women look for a man with value, who can contribute to a relationship. If you lack confidence, however, fret not. Below are 4 powerful steps to gaining confidence with women.

Step 1: Online Dating

Yes, laugh if you want. It is a fallacy that online dating is only for the old or the desperate, but this is not true. It is a great meeting ground for getting to know other people first, before deciding if it is someone you would like to meet in real life. It also gives you the opportunity to let the real you shine through, especially if you tend to seize up upon being in the presence of women. This should give you an indication of what dating is like face to face, it should be about getting to know the other person better, and not about using techniques to secure a second date.

Step 2: Your Personality

No one likes to hear someone spend the entire evening whining about the bitch at work, or how they deserved a promotion more than so-and-so. Similarly, keep the negativity away from your date: it is a sure conversation killer, and you can be assured that your date will never want to see you again. Be positive, and allow your personality to shine through. That is the major determinant on whether you will make it to a second date. Being positive and smiling will also help you to act more confident than you actually are, and confidence is a big draw for women.

Step 3: Location

Suggest a neutral location that your date will feel comfortable in. Pick somewhere central with people, so that she does not feel intimidated or threatened. However, do not go overboard and pick an overly crowded location. This will limit the conversation and the noise levels and crowd will reduce the interaction and opportunities for you to get to know each other. Plan out an activity that you think she will enjoy, such as going to the drive-in movies, or a board game café where you can spend quality time with privacy for conversation, without it being too threatening for her.

Step 4: The Bill

Always pay for the bill. Going Dutch is not an option on the first date, simply because manners dictate that the guy should pay for the dinner, or the movies. Paying for the bill without hesitation will also make your date feel like she is being treated like a princess, and that you value her company. It is also a subtle signal that you are a stable person who is capable of treating a woman right.

Follow these 4 simple steps to gaining confidence with women. Remember, it is not about tricks and techniques, it is about holding your nervousness at bay to allow the real you to establish a connection or rapport with your date.

Different Herbs For Anxiety Treatment

Anxiety disorders are a common problem, affecting approximately 20 million adults and children in America. Anxiety is a common emotion consisting of uncertainty and worry faced by many, whilst anxiety disorders are when such fears are experienced irrationally. There are many treatments available, ranging from medication to therapy and alternative treatments. One treatment is through using natural herbal supplements.

Natural herbs are less costly than medication, and consist of herbs, vitamins and botanicals which are natural and have less risk of causing health problems as compared to medication in the form of drugs. They can be taken individually, or with other supplements, but it is best to first consult your doctor before deciding on natural herbs as a treatment for anxiety disorders. They also have the advantage of having no side effects, as compared to medications which can result in side effects such as nausea. Below are some common herbs used in anxiety disorders treatment.

1. Passion Flower

This is a natural plant that is used to treat anxiety, amongst other ailments. Its has unique calming properties, and can also reduce body tremors from fear. It promotes better sleep, and can act as a painkiller. It also contains anti depressants, and is used for high blood pressure and epilepsy.

2. Lavender

This is a more popular alternative than the passion flower, and is also known for its calming properties. It is also one of the more effective treatments for panic attacks, and is a tonic for the nervous system.

3. Lemon Balm

This is used to calm the digestive and nervous system, and also reduces blood pressure. It is uncertain if used alone, lemon balm is effective for treating anxiety attacks. It is usually taken with Valerian, Chamomile or Passion flower.

4. Kava

It is an effective tranquilizer, and whilst it is not an addictive substance, research suggests that it may be linked to liver problems.

5. Valerian

This is another natural plant used for treating anxiety. It also promotes better sleep, allowing for the body to rest and recuperate.

6. Chamomile

Chamomile flower leaves are used to make tea, and is a natural alternative for treating anxiety. It also reduces fever, encourages sleep and enhances the body’s metabolism.

7. Dandelion

The roots and leaves are used to treat the body’s internal systems, and through it, provide relief for some of the symptoms of anxiety. It is commonly used in salads and tea, and can also be used as a substitute for coffee.

There are many natural treatments available, and herbs have been used for treating illnesses for centuries. However, do keep in mind that it is not a quick fix, and can only alleviate the symptoms of anxiety attacks. Herbs are best described as natural supplements and are not meant to totally cure the disease or sickness most of the time. It is advisable to seek out behavioral or cognitive therapy so as to eliminate the root of the problem causing anxiety attacks and not be overly reliant on such natural remedies to cure disorders such as anxiety disorders.

Improving Self Confidence After A Breakup

Breaking up is never an easy process, especially if you never saw it coming. At this stage, it may feel easier for you to hold on to the broken pieces and memories then to move on. However, the truth is far from this.

There are many signs that you have yet to let go and start to move on. You find yourself retracing your footsteps, and every line in your fights, trying to figure out where it went wrong and what you could have done to fix it. You feel that if you could only figure out why your partner left, you would be able to convince them to come back. Worse still, is underlying all these thoughts, the implicit belief that your world is broken and will be magically fixed somehow if your partner would just step back into it.

If you have entertained any of the above thoughts, then it is a sure sign that your self confidence has hit rock bottom. In order to start healing and feeling better about yourself, you have to improve your self confidence at the same time. This is of course, easier said then done.

It is perfectly normal to want to know what went wrong, and if you were truly at fault. Sometimes it could be something that you did, but sometimes, it could simply be that your partner is no longer interested, and it is not because of anything you did or did not do. If you must think back on what happened, you owe it to yourself to figure out if you need to change your attitude, or behavior and actions. Changing these now may not bring your ex back into your life, but it will make your next relationship a lot smoother.

Give yourself time to cope with the sudden loss, and turn to your friends or family to help you adjust back to single hood. Fill in the gaps that your partner has left behind by pursuing activities that you never had time for, or did not do because your other half did not like it. Pick up a new hobby, go on a short holiday, meet new people, and do things that make you happy.

Remind yourself of your own self worth. Make a list of your accomplishments, or compliments that your friends, colleagues or superiors have ever paid you. This will help you keep in mind that you may have some habits that need changing, but so does everyone else, and that you do have many redeeming qualities. Work out some positive affirmations to help you clear your mind of negative thoughts and emotions. Let your subconscious help you with moving on.

All these advice will help you, but you must be willing to help yourself in improving your self confidence after a breakup. Make a checklist or a plan of what you want to achieve, and how you intend to go about achieving it. Give yourself a deadline to meet, and push yourself to do the things that you have listed out. Achieving what you have listed out will help you to feel better about yourself, and give you a sense of control over what you can do in life and help keep your emotions positive.

Do not beat yourself up for grieving over the loss of a relationship, or for taking time to deal with your sorrow. However, do not allow it to keep you down indefinitely. Remember that only when you truly let go will you be able to move on and build a future with someone else. Take this alone time to work through personal issues, or do things that you have always procrastinated doing. When you have learnt to change your bad habits and accept yourself, that is when you know that you are ready to move on and meet someone new.

Self Affirmative Exercises For A Brand New You

Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. Our dormant subconscious mind remains untapped most of the time and in this article we will teach you how to reach down deep within to unlock the power of your subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.

1. Repetition

Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind create solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.

2. Belief

If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. By believing what you are proclaiming to yourself daily, it creates a positive response in your mind to accept it as reality and it will work towards making it a reality. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.

3. Clearing your subconscious mind

Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need to not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit. As mentioned earlier, what you place into your mind would encourage your subconscious to work towards making that a reality. As such, if negative thoughts remain in your mind, your subconscious will work towards that too as it is unable to reason right and wrong.

4. Music

Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.

5. Goal

When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.

6. Reminders

Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.

Envision a Better Future

Visualization can be a powerful tool to help you improve your current circumstances, but it can also help you to be more purposeful about moving toward a brighter future. This can be especially effective if you often feel nervous, anxious or doubtful about your ability to improve your life.

To begin, find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and take a few minutes to quiet your mind and relax your body. If you like, you can put on some soothing music or simply enjoy the silence.

Take a few slow, deep breaths and imagine that you are releasing all tension, stress and worry from your body. As you inhale, envision soft golden light flowing into your lungs and spreading throughout your body, warming and relaxing you. As you exhale, imagine that you’re purging feelings of fear, anxiety and disharmony from your body. Stay with this deep breathing technique for as long as it takes to feel fully relaxed and calm.

Then, call to mind an image of the type of future you’d like to have. Include as much detail as you can, and focus on all of the important aspects of your life such as your career, financial situation, family situation, and so on.

Imagine yourself living in this future time, waking up first thing in the morning and going through your daily experiences. Focus especially on how you look and feel in this better future. Do you appear happy, productive, inspired, purposeful, confident? Are you living the life you truly want to lead? How does it feel?

Take your time with this exercise, going through each experience and enjoying it as much as you can. By the time you finish, you should be feeling very inspired and positive about your life!

Not only does this exercise make you feel more hopeful and positive about your future, it can also inspire you to take the actions that will eventually usher in those future circumstances!

Even when you return to your normal activities, be sure to keep calling those positive mental images to mind as often as you can, and focus on being the person who was living in that better future. Rather than feeling pessimistic about your current circumstances, affirm that you are creating something better with your visualization exercises.

Since visualization works better if you’re consistent with it, try to make this a daily practice if you can. Even just 10 minutes a day of focusing on these positive images and experiencing the corresponding feelings they invoke can help you bring forth great changes in your life

Boost Your Mood with Visualization

Have you ever felt stuck in a bad mood and couldn’t seem to let it go no matter what you did? At times like this it seems like everything around you just keeps going wrong, exacerbating your negative focus and keeping you stuck.

There are many ways to improve your mood in this type of situation, but one of the quickest and easiest is through the use of creative visualization. Below are three simple visualization techniques you can use to boost your mood and change a negative mind-set into a positive one:

1) Mentally change your current situation.

When you’re feeling stuck in unpleasant circumstances, obsessing about them only makes them seem stronger and more difficult, which keeps you feeling stuck. However, with visualization you can change the situation in your own mind so that it has a completely different outcome!

Think about the way your current situation is, and ask yourself how you’d like it to be. Then, close your eyes and make it happen! Start at the beginning (you can even start at the very beginning of your day if you want), and mentally work through the situation(s) until you reach the present moment, but make everything go the way YOU want it to go.

For example, if you’re having a bad day at work, imagine having a better day where you’re smiling, feeling productive and enjoying your work. It may take several minutes to shift your feelings to match your new mental image, but it’s well worth the effort!

2) Think about something wonderful from your past.

If you’re having trouble imagining a better outcome in your current situation, you can fall back on a previous experience that made you feel happy and carry those feelings into the present moment. Think about the day you got married, your first kiss, or the time you received a heartwarming gift. Whatever memory you choose, make sure it’s wonderful and exciting and brings back a warm glow of joy and gratitude! Relive it in your mind and allow yourself to feel those good feelings again.

3) Imagine a better future.

You can also use this same process to transport yourself to a better time in the future. Think about something wonderful you want to have happen at a future time and imagine that it’s happening now! Fantasize about the day when you finally achieve your long-term goals, win the lottery, or meet your soul mate. The specifics don’t matter except that they leave you feeling excited and happy.

The trick with all of these visualization exercises is to really allow yourself to feel the feelings that the visions inspire! Just seeing the images in your mind is only the beginning part of the process. When you fully immerse yourself in these positive emotions, you’ll carry them into your present situation and end up feeling much lighter and calmer.

It’s important to note that you’ll probably have to use a bit of determination to shift your mood, even with the use of visualization. Ultimately, it’s up to you if you choose to stay stuck in negative feelings or find a way to let them go. While these techniques won’t change anything in your outer circumstances, you’ll be changing the way you PERCEIVE your circumstances – which makes you feel more positive . . . and that’s the whole point!

Attract Prosperity with Visualization

Visualization can be used for a wide range of purposes, but one of the most beneficial is making yourself feel prosperous and attract more money into your life. You may wonder how seeing simple images in your mind can help attract anything – but when you think about it, a consistent focus on lack causes you to expect the worst and think and act in ways that emphasize lack – which simply creates more lack in your life!

On the other hand, when you change your perception of lack into a stronger focus on abundance, you find yourself thinking and acting in ways that can be more prosperous. Not only will you better appreciate the abundance you have in your life now, you’ll also be in a better mind-set to recognize great opportunities and act on them when they appear.

For best results, use visualization on a daily basis because changing your mental outlook requires consistent reinforcement. You can perform your visualization exercises first thing in the morning, right before bed in the evening, or any time during the day when you have a few minutes to spare.

What types of things should you visualize? For one, see yourself having plenty of money. Imagine that you’re able to pay your bills with ease and have plenty left over for fun, helping others and saving for a brighter future. Make these visualizations as detailed as possible, even down to the clothing you’re wearing, the home you live in, the vehicle you drive, and the way you carry yourself in your daily activities.

The details are important because they’ll trigger your emotions and make you feel like you’re really experiencing these visions – which your subconscious mind will then accept! How would you feel if you had all the money you needed? What type of mind-set would you have if money was no longer a concern for you? Infuse these thoughts and feelings into your visualization exercises, making them as strong and real as you can.

Then, the next important step is to be sure you’re not undoing all the great energy you put out during your visualization exercises by thinking and acting in ways that contradict what you’re trying to attract into your life.

Avoid spending time worrying about not having enough money, stressing about bills or feeling anxious about your income. The moment you start doing these things, you immediately shift your focus back to a lack mind-set, which keeps the cycle of lack going strong.

Whatever you do, be sure you don’t limit the ways that money can come to you! For example, don’t focus all of your efforts on winning the lottery because you’ll be blocking all other possibilities. Remember that money can come to you in limitless ways – most of which you’d never expect! Simply focus on being open to any and all possibilities and allow your positive focus to attract bigger and better things than you can even imagine right now.

Strengthen Your Intuition with Visualization

Your intuition can be a powerful guide in any situation, helping you to avoid dangerous and detrimental experiences – or even leading you to the best opportunities to improve your life.

However, as with any skill, the strength and intensity of your intuition will fade with disuse. If you are not accustomed to consulting your intuition, you’ll need to work on strengthening it before you can use it as a reliable guide.

Intuition can be defined in different ways, but for the purposes of this article we’ll refer to it as the ability to perceive subtle clues from your environment that help you determine the best course of action in any situation.

Visualization is the process of seeing specific images in your mind – or in other words, imagination. That may not seem to have anything to do with your intuition, but a regular visualization practice can help you strengthen your mental focus, which will help you to more easily tune into your intuitive insights.

When you first get started, you’ll want to set aside a minimum of 15 minutes a day to visualize. It’s best if you can stick with the same time each day because you’ll train your mind to quiet down at that time.

When you’re ready to begin your first session, take a few minutes to first get very relaxed and calm. You might do some deep breathing to let go of tension and scattered thoughts, then turn your attention inward and focus on how your body feels. Pay particular attention to your solar plexus area, your chest, shoulders, and the center of your forehead. Do you feel any sensations of tightness or tension in these places?

At first you probably won’t feel anything at all; it will just feel neutral. Make a mental note about that feeling of neutrality because it’s the “default” state that you’ll experience when your intuition is not sending signals.

Then, call up a mental image of yourself feeling confident, centered, and completely in tune with your inner guidance. There are various ways you can picture this; you can see yourself in a turbulent situation feeling very connected and stable within; you can imagine that you’re a sponge, soaking up clues and insights from your surrounding environment; or you can even see yourself connected by a rope of light to the universe and imagine that intuitive insights travel down this rope and into your consciousness. Any way you choose to imagine it, be sure your mental vision includes an image of yourself feeling balanced, connected and tuned in.

Once you’ve got that image firmly embedded in your mind, be sure to carry it with you when you return to your normal routine. When you need to make a decision about something or find yourself in an uncertain situation, simply close your eyes and recall that mental image again. Focus on it until you once again feel in tune with your inner guidance, and pay attention to the areas mentioned earlier: solar plexus, chest, shoulders and the center of your forehead. How do these areas feel? When you’re receiving an intuitive insight, you’ll usually experience sensations such as tension, tightness, queasiness, tingling, or even temperature changes. Along with these physical sensations you’ll usually experience a hunch that lets you know whether a certain decision or situation would be beneficial or detrimental and you can act on that insight.

It will likely take time and practice to get used to listening to your intuition and learning to trust it, but it can be such a powerful tool that you’ll never want to be without it once you learn how to work effectively with it.

Memory Techniques to Get Ahead in Life

Memory techniques are very simple, and can be used to improve your mind and your life. Learn how to enhance your mind to impress your friends or your boss for that pay raise!

Imagine being able to remember your grocery list effortlessly, without rote memorization! The human mind is complex, and with understanding and some memory techniques you will find that knowledge is ingrained in your mind, and recalling it will be a breeze.

Connection Technique

The connection technique creates meaning or a link to an event or fact that you know, thus allowing you to recall it easily. An advantage of this memory technique is that it makes use of common information that you know and thus makes it unlikely for you to forget the information once the meaning has been attached. For example, it is easier to recall an address of 2612 Memory Walk, by linking it to Boxing Day, which falls on the 26th December.

Mind Mapping

An equally easy and potent technique for training your mind is through mind mapping, which is based on how we think and recall information. This memory technique uses your entire brain by linking ideas and processes. By forcing you to put down on paper your thoughts, it forces you to focus your full attention to the information. The usage of visuals through colours and pictures also reinforces memory.

Repetition

This is a simple technique often used to remember something by focusing your entire attention on it. The use of repetition entrenches the information in your long term memory. By doing so, you are able to avoid the common mistake many people make – forgetting things because they did not remember them in the first place.

Mnemonics

Mnemonics are a form of memory tool that trains your entire mind to store and retrieve information through the use of association. Language is an important aspect of recalling information, and mnemonics in the form of rhymes or familiar trigger words can serve as resources to your mind. You can link the main ideas or information that you need to remember in a story, or via the use of acronyms. An example would be Roy Of York Gave Birth in Vain, an acronym for the colours of the rainbow – Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet.

Simple day to day activities such as reading is also a great way to improve your memory by exercising your mind. By learning and using any of the techniques above, you will soon find yourself able to rely on your mind more than ever. The capacity of our memory is virtually unlimited, and by matching new information to things already in our memory, you will be able to train your mind into being a reliable store of data.

5 Tips for Coping with Anxiety Disorder Panic Attacks

There are various types of anxiety disorders, but the main underlying characteristic is the irrational and excessive need to worry and the fear. Panic attacks occur randomly and frequently for those who suffer from anxiety disorder. When they occur, they cause headaches, nausea, tremors and irrational fear and nervousness.

Approximately 20 million adults and children in America suffer from some form of anxiety disorder, and it is a very common problem. There are different triggers for the different types of anxiety disorders, but here are 5 tips to help you cope with the panic attacks that will occur.

Tip #1: Learn to Relax

Relaxation techniques can help you to reduce the effects of panic attack symptoms, such as headaches and sweating. By concentrating on yourself and blocking out all negative emotions and the environment around you, you can relax your body and breathing. This will lessen the intensity of the symptoms, but should not be used as an alternative from proper medical treatment.

Meditation can also help you to relax, and it is useful to practice this regular in the morning or at night. This will help you learn to calm your body and mind down. Set aside some time for yourself to relax and unwind everyday, and this will reduce the build up of stress and tension from your work or life.

Tip #2: Seek the Right Treatment

There are a variety of treatments available for anxiety disorders, and it is important to pick the right one as different treatments are more effective for different types. Medication can curb the symptoms, but it is not a quick cure, and has many side effects which are often severe. Cognitive and behavioral therapy is more suitable as it helps you come to terms with the root of your anxiety attacks, and will help you to overcome your disorder.

Tip #3: Change your Lifestyle

Take up exercise at least twice a week, to help get your body fit again. There are many forms of exercise to choose from, and possible suggestions include brisk walking or swimming. Your diet also plays a big part, and you should try to keep a well balanced diet. Cut down on processed foods and high sugar snacks. Substances such as alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine are also highly discouraged as they act as either stimulants or depressants, and can trigger your panic attacks. If you feel that your job is too stressful, consider changing to one that is more relaxed instead. After all, your health is wealth.

Tip #4: Seek Support

It is unhealthy to bottle up your emotions, and it is encouraged that you share your emotions and experiences with your friends and family. Share with them your problem, and how you are going about trying to cope and recover. They may have valuable suggestions, and if nothing else, they can help to support you emotionally. Support groups and professional counseling is also a viable alternative. Talking about your anxiety will also help you to come to terms with it, and understand the causes of your panic attacks better.

Tip #5: Self Monitoring

Take some time out to relax and unwind, and make sure your body and mind is calm. Make a list of the causes of your panic attacks, and try to identify what triggers them. Once you have done that, you can look for an appropriate solution, whether it is facing the problem or simply avoiding being in such a situation again.

Empowerment in Relationships

Personal empowerment often plays a big role in the quality of your relationships because of the beliefs and behaviors you express in your interactions with others. If you’ve ever expected a relationship to somehow “complete” you or make you feel strong or whole, you probably experienced disappointment and frustration as it seemed to cause bigger problems in your life.

There are several reasons why personal empowerment is important in relationships:

1) Other people sense the way you feel about yourself and treat you accordingly.

Have you ever noticed that other people seem to pick up on subtle cues and reflect your own beliefs back to you? For example, if you lack confidence, you’ll often find yourself encountering aggressive or intimidating people who seem to exacerbate those feelings. If you don’t have a healthy level of respect for yourself, you’ll probably encounter plenty of people who don’t respect you either.

This is no accident! People tend to sense your inner beliefs based on your demeanor and body language, and gear their behavior to match.

When you’re empowered and strong, you communicate that essence to others, and others will treat you as such, resulting in healthier relationships.

2) You’ll notice in others the things you dislike about yourself.

Have you ever heard of “projecting” your own perceptions and beliefs onto others? A lack of self-love within yourself will often cause you to believe that others don’t love you either. A lack of confidence in yourself will attract people that you struggle to place your confidence in also!

When you are empowered and confident, you’ll end up attracting others who both see you that way and embody the same qualities themselves.

3) You’ll constantly look to others for reassurance and validation.

When you don’t feel empowered or confident, you’ll constantly seek reassurance and validation from the people around you. Rather than feeling self-assured, you’ll appear to be needy and insecure, which will place a drain on your relationship and push others away from you.

Remember that empowerment is an inside job! You need to give yourself love, respect and confidence first if you want to also receive it from others.

Fulfilling and satisfying relationships require that both partners are empowered and balanced before entering into them. When you empower yourself from within, you bring a stronger element of genuine love, respect and intimacy to your relationships and stop seeking validation from outside sources. Ultimately, this ensures that your connections with others will be deeper, richer and more meaningful.

Empower Yourself with Positive Self-Talk

he way you speak to yourself mentally and verbally has a powerful impact on your self-image. Berating or belittling yourself, minimizing your achievements or doubting your capabilities will most definitely create a sense of disempowerment, limiting your potential in virtually every aspect of your life.

On the other hand, positive and encouraging self-talk will contribute to inner strength and self-respect, which will drastically alter the way you see yourself and your potential in life.

Self-talk is like a recording that constantly plays in your mind, and much of the time you’re unaware of it because it occurs on a subconscious level. The messages you receive from this recording can include limiting beliefs that were formed throughout your lifetime, as well as negative or derogatory input from your present environment.

The good news is that these recorded messages CAN be changed! It’s even quite simple to do, but requires commitment, determination and consistent effort.

Below are a few simple ways you can use positive self-talk to change your mental recording and empower yourself:

Build yourself up.

If you’ve gotten used to tearing yourself down, you may not even notice how harshly you speak to yourself – but you’ll find yourself feeling sad, frustrated or guilty without understanding why.

To turn this around, you simply need to begin making a conscious choice to build yourself up as often as possible. Get into the habit of speaking encouragingly and expressing positive thoughts about yourself. For example, rather than saying, “Oh, you are such an idiot!” when you make a mistake, say, “Hey, that’s all right, everyone makes mistakes! Next time you’ll do better.”

Look at yourself in the mirror daily and find three positive things to say about yourself. You can compliment your physical features, personality traits or accomplishments – but be sure they are genuine compliments because your subconscious mind will know if you’re “lying.”

Most importantly, make it a daily habit to speak to yourself like you would a good friend who is in need of support and encouragement. You’d never say horrible, mean things to them, so don’t say them to yourself either!

Cheer yourself on.

Rather than dreading a difficult task and doubting your capabilities, become your own best cheerleader! When you’re getting ready to tackle something challenging, take a few minutes to scream and shout mentally that “you can do it; you can do it; you can do it!”

Also, be sure to regularly praise yourself for a job well done. These don’t have to be big accomplishments – just something to which you gave your best effort. For example, you could say to yourself, “I’m really proud of the way I handled that rude customer. I kept my cool and remained professional while I handled the problem.” Or, “I’m so proud of myself for finishing that project before deadline! Now I’ve got a couple of hours I can devote to myself, and I definitely deserve some downtime.”

Love, love, love yourself.

We often have the perception that self-love will happen naturally once we change something about ourselves (like losing weight or achieving a goal) but self-love has to come first! Begin expressing love for yourself exactly as you are on a regular basis. Love yourself not for the things you’ve done or plan to do, but WHO you are. Love your uniqueness, your personality, your character traits and everything else that makes you who you are. The more you love yourself, the stronger and more positive you’ll feel about your life.

You may feel silly following some of these suggestions at first because they’re likely different from the way you normally treat yourself. But the more you work with them and focus on having fun with them, the more effective they’ll be in erasing those old, negative messages and replacing them with more positive, empowering messages.