How to Overcome Shyness and Connect with People( an excerpt)By Mike Moore
The one thing that is absolutely vital to overcoming shyness is DESIRE. You must want to, badly.POSITIVE SELF TALKWe must begin to talk to ourselves about ourselves in a more positive way.
Instead of defining ourselves negatively we must define ourselves positively.
Tell yourself that...
* I am equal in dignity to anyone else.
* I have a lot to offer other people.
* People are not my enemies.
* I am intelligent and nice to be with.
* I can do anything I put my mind to.
* I am loveable and capable just the way I am right now.Many times through the day stop and say something like, " Every day, in every way, I am becoming more comfortable speaking with people."REMEMBER... that every person is a unique gift.
There is no other person like you on the planet. There has never been another like you. There will never be another like you. So treat yourself like the rare, unique, precious gift that you are.This is an excerpt from Mike's Special Report " How to Overcome Shyness and Connect with People" Mike Moore is an international speaker and writer on human potential, motivation and humour.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
HOW TO OVERCOME SHYNESS AND CONNECT WITH PEOPLE
DEVELOPING SELF-CONFIDENCE THAT LASTS
Developing Self Confidence That Lasts
Developing Self Confidence is a process that can take many routes. Outlined here are four ways for developing self confidence that will enhance your life, strengthen your relationships, and further your career. You do not need to invest millions of dollars or change the world in a day to begin developing self confidence. The process to developing self confidence is as easy as committing to following the four steps described below.
1. Listen to the voice in your head when you are stressed and try to understand what it is saying. We all have an inner monologue by which we direct and guide ourselves - we can use it to help in developing self confidence. Sometimes our inner monologue reminds us to pick up cat food on the way home. Unfortunately, sometimes this inner voice tells us we are incompetent or bad. Certain situations may trigger this voice to become unnecessarily critical or harsh. Left to its own devices it will not help in developing self confidence.When it comes to developing self confidence It is good to listen to this voice and search for patterns. When you recognize a pattern that does not work for you, only then can you being to change the pattern to get your desired results. Journaling every day or taking time to jot down some thoughts when you have stressful situations may allow you to really analyze if your thoughts are helping you or hurting you.
2. Listen to the people around you can help in developing self confidence. Are your friends and family supportive and nurturing, or do they criticize and bring you down? Do you find that people who are often negative about their own life as well as yours surround you? These people can affect the way you view your world, the events that take place in your day and your tenacity in developing self confidence. When you are aware of the effect the people around you have on your thoughts and feelings, you can determine if these people are good to be around or if you should make some new friends.
3. Recount every day the qualities about you that you value most. Take time every day to affirm your worth and your strengths to focus on developing self confidence. To do this, you must know your strengths and your values. Affirming the good in you will help to focus your mind on what you can do, instead of always focusing on what you cannot do. This simple change in focus can go a long way in changing your mind set to one that is open to challenges and willing to take risks. Every day remind yourself that you are worth being loved, that you do your best, and that you are a good person. You will find you believe these statements more and more each time you repeat them.
.4. Look for ways to encourage others. As you touch the lives of the people around you and impact their day, you will begin to realize that developing self confidence affects more that just your own fate. When you believe in yourself and are spending less time in negative thought, you have more time to spend helping others and sharing your good attitude. This step not only increases the self esteem of the people around you, but it continues the process of developing self confidence in you.
HAVE A MUCH BETTER DAY WITH CONFIDENCE TIP
Have a Much Better Day with a Confidence Tip
Do you wake up in the morning and pick a confidence tip to follow that day? Most people do not focus on a confidence tip when they are setting about their daily routine, but a confidence tip can be instrumental in creating the mindset necessary for a good day. A confidence tip is a small goal you can set for yourself to ensure you are trying that day to steer clear of negativity and are facilitating your own successes. You do not have to follow the same confidence tip every day, but you may find it interesting to see how your day changes when you pick one of the following tips and incorporate it into your day
.1. Make a list of your good qualities. This confidence tip encourages you to get in touch with the parts of your personality you are proud of, and urges you to really own those parts. Really dig deep and brain storm even the littlest parts of yourself that you enjoy. Too often during the day we get caught up in the race towards self-improvement, that we forget the many good qualities we already possess. This list and the making of it can also gear you towards putting your best foot forward during your day.
2. Pick one new thing and try it. Trying new things is an excellent confidence tip because it requires stepping out of a comfort zone and becoming vulnerable. When you succeed at a new thing, you will feel very good about yourself and will be able to take that success and use it to fuel your courage to try another new thing. Trying new things is an excellent way, also, to gain and hone to skills and characteristics of which to be proud.
3. Do something kind for someone else. Making time in your day for another person is a confidence tip that can help you step out of any negative frames of mind and can open you to your ability to be a source of light and comfort for another person. This kind of interaction is especially helpful during a time when obsessive negative thinking gets in the way of other activities.
4. Steer clear of making fun of yourself or using self-defeating phrases. Pay special attention to your language today. Sometimes we make fun of ourselves to make other people laugh, but these jokes can affect our subconscious. Play with this confidence tip - use positive words and see how these words affect the way you view yourself and your day.A confidence tip can be the only tool you need to make the conscience effort to have a good day. Good self esteem begins with the decision to see the good in yourself and the willingness the work with the bad. Decide today to select a confidence tip and see how your day blooms when you focus on it.
5 GREAT WAYS TO IMPROVE EMPLOYEE CONFIDENCE
Employee confidence is necessary to help employees reach their potential at their jobs. Employee confidence affects job performance as well as job satisfaction, and can greatly affect turn over rates in high stress job areas. Employee confidence has received greater attention in the workplace because it playas critical role in the success of any company. There are many ways to increase employee confidence.
1. Offer employees opportunities to train effectively before starting a new job, and continue to provide educational opportunities so employees feel they are growing on the job. Employees will feel more confident when they are offered continuing education opportunities as well as advanced trainings on their job. They will enjoy their job when they feel they are mastering their area rather than struggling to keep up. This is why employee confidence is so crucial.
2. Offer feedback consistently and often to employees. When an employee needs additional help or resources to complete a job better, tell the employee immediately and work to rectify the situation quickly. Employee confidence is greatly undermined when an employee is hit with many various criticisms at once rather than being corrected nicely along the way.
3. Provide people employees feel comfortable talking to to ask questions and gather additional information. When employees feel they can approach management, they are often more likely to ask questions and get help rather than make a mistake. Approachable staff encourages employees to take ownership of their work and to receive a certain pride from a job well done. Providing people employees to go to with problems and concerns demonstrates a dedication to employee happiness.
4. Implement appropriate safety procedures so that employees feel comfortable doing their job. When an employee does not feel comfortable or confident that they are safely performing a task, they may not do the task as well. Additionally, tasks without safety measures could lead to injuries and illnesses that undermine confidence and cost the company more money. Safety measures demonstrate the company’s interest in the safety of employees, and increase an employee’s sense of confidence in the workplace.
People sometimes are hostile without a good reason. In this touching story you can read about a woman, whose life was made miserable by her husband's ex. Without being able to stop the ex creating havoc and disaster, they still managed to find a way out and got their self confidence back instantly.
"You know she calls me? The murderer..." Tears were streaming down hercheeks, as she looked up from her coffee. We were sat in her beautifulkitchen, with the ivory colored Granny stove, the copper all freshlypolished. Outside the sun was shining, but she could not be botheredto sit outside on the little garden bench in front of the house.
She had never forgiven Albert that he did not react like she wanted,and she started calling Sandra 'The Murderer'. For Sandra this was areal hard ordeal to cope with. Sandra's parents are Christians, andabortion is completely out of the picture for them. Sandra herselfwould never even think about it, and it really hurts her that Albert'sex blames her for it.I sat still for a moment, I did not really know what to say. I knewthe story, I knew what it meant to her, and actually I could notunderstand why Albert's ex was apparently starting a phase of attackyet again. And using the children of her neighborhood, did not seemvery mature behavior.I could now do two things. I could start to talk about the reasons,the emotions, the grief, the anger of Albert's ex, in an attempt tomake Sandra understand why she was doing this. Quickly I dismissed theidea, if I myself could not understand fully what was motivating thiswoman to destroy Albert and Sandra's happiness, how could I helpSandra understand?I remembered something I read just a couple of days ago. It was anarticle about a new NLP technique called Magic Hats, used to gain moreconfidence. I had to take the chance to see if it would also helpSandra to cope better with the stress and the agony she was goingthrough now.The exercise is pretty simple, so I suggested to her that we would doa quick NLP exercise. Since she knows that I am a NLP masterpractitioner, she trusts me with this kind of stuff, and we startedafter we finished our coffee.
I talked her through the exercise: I first brought her into a state oflight hypnosis, then I did a swish with her, in which you create twoimages: One you want to get rid of and one you want to reach. Yousubstitute the old image with the new, and the accompanying emotionsjust follow. After that we anchored the emotion with an imaginaryyellow hat.When I brought her back into her awake state, she looked at me wit
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
6 WAYS TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM
6 ways to build self - esteem
Here are six behaviours that can kick-start your self-motivation everyday.
1.Greet everybody with a smile.
A smile can go a long way to convey self-confidence to others. When others think you feel confident, they respond to your confidence, which in turn, builds more self-confidence. (Yes it is circular. )
2.Be thankful for what others do.
Don’t downplay or overplay your appreciation for the contributions of other people. The ability to graciously receive from others is a mark of individual self-esteem.
3.Be modest about your accomplishments.
those who have true confidence in their abilities don’t waste time bragging about their accomplishments.
4.Stop talking about your problems. Firstly, people don’t want to hear about your problems. Everyone is likely facing some sort challenge in their life and yours is not anymore important to others. Secondly, negative self-talk, whether internal or external, will only serve to eat away at your self-esteem.
5.Respond to difficult circumstances. The old adage says, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” The best response to difficult circumstances is to tackle the challenges. Look for solutions to the problem(s). As you focus on working through the difficulty, you’ll find you’re developing more confidence to face problems.
6.Learn from your mistakes. You’re not going to be perfect everytime you try something. Don’t view set-backs and failures as an end. Look for lessons you can take the experience, move back to step 5 and try again.
how to build self-confidence
Accept yourself
Imagine what your life would be like if you could just be yourself, without thinking twice about other people’s perceptions of you. The first step is to accept yourself. Nobody is perfect, so why spend time worrying about the things you can’t do?
You’re probably familiar with the voice in your head saying you’re never good enough. Instead of listening to that voice; focus on your successes. Use them as an example to drive you forward.
Do something you enjoy
Decide what work brings you joy. This may seem obvious, but how much time do you spend thinking about the work you enjoy doing? It’s easy to get caught up in checking things off that to-do list or rushing off to yet another meeting. Take a few minutes this week, and make a list of all the work that jazzes you.
Don’t forget those non-work things that give you pleasure:
1.time for family and friends
2.look after your health
3.pursue hobbies and interests
4.stretch your mind
Find your peers
Building and maintaining self-confidence is not a solo effort. You need the support of like-minded people. It is easier when you are among people who are share the same interests mind-set as you. They will understand you and vice versa. This creates conditions for healthy conversations. You will feel more secure in your ideas when others want to hear and appreciate what you have to say.
Set Goals
Setting goals is not complicated. It can be challenging, but the process of goal setting can be of value to you in building excitement and commitment, which are important factors in achieving success.
The idea is to begin with a small single step that can then further developed into giant strides. Learn to do the work at hand rather than to overwhelm oneself by looking at the whole of a large task.
Break a big task into a list of small tasks. Check off each step you complete. A completed task, no matter how small, gives a sense of achievement that boosts self-confidence and gives more drive to try a bigger task.
improving self confidence
Improving Self Confidence
One easy way to improve self confidence in challenging situations is to remember a time you felt really self confident. If you can't remember such a time, then remember a time that you felt contented and happy. Perhaps, remember when you approached a women with humor and she responded with a great smile.
When you are in a situation that you want to improve your self confidence or you feel anxious, just go back to this time. This will enable you to control your emotions and thoughts. Practicing this process will enable you to start to gain more control in any challenging situations.
When you feel self-conscious and you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious, look for something outside of yourself to focus on. Really study it in a lot of detail . For example: examine a tree outside and look at the different colors and shades of the leaves and its beauty. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.
Another way to improve your self confidence in challenging situations is to focus on your breath. When we feel anxious, we tend to restrict our breath and breathe into our chest and not our belly. So just by breathing into your belly and feeling your belly expand in the in breath you will find you become much more calm
SELF CONFIDENCE IS ESSENSTIAL TO SUCCESS
Self Confidence is Essential To Success Nothing succeeds like confidence. When you truly and justifiably confident, it radiates from you like sunlight, and attracts success to you like magnet.
1.Know the facts relating to the situation and have the details to hand.
2.Be ready for - anticipate - other people's behaviour and prepare your responses.
3.Prepare and use good open questions.
4.Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression (posters can help you think and become how you want to be - display positive writings where you will read them often - it's a proven successful technique).
5.Have faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if you let them.
6.Feel sympathy for bullies - they actually need it.
1.know the facts and have them to hand
Ensure you know all the facts in advance - do some research, and have it on hand ready to produce (and give out copies if necessary). Bullies usually fail to prepare their facts; they dominate through bluster, force and reputation. If you know and can produce facts to support or defend your position it is unlikely that the aggressor will have anything prepared in response. When you know that a situation is going to arise, over which you'd like to have some influence, prepare your facts, do your research, do the sums, get the facts and figures, solicit opinion and views, be able to quote sources; then you will be able to make a firm case, and also dramatically improve your reputation for being someone who is organised and firm.
2.anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses.
Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your own responses. Role-play in your mind how things are likely to happen. Prepare your responses according to the different scenarios that you think could unfold. Prepare other people to support and defend you. Being well prepared will increase your self-confidence and enable you to be assertive about what's important to you.
3.prepare and use good open questions
Prepare and use good questions to expose flaws in other people's arguments. Asking good questions is the most reliable way of gaining the initiative, and taking the wind out of someone's sails, in any situation. Questions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:
'What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?'
'Who have you consulted about this?'
'How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?'
'How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?'
'How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?'
'What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?'
And don't be fobbed off. Stick to your guns. If the question is avoided or ignored return to it, or re-phrase it (which you can prepare as well).
4.re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression
Re-conditioning your own reaction to dominant people, particularly building your own 'triggered reactions', giving yourself 'thinking time' to prevent yourself being bulldozed, and 'making like a brick wall' in the face of someone else's attempt to dominate you without justification. Try visualising yourself behaving in a firmer manner, saying firmer things, asking firm clear, probing questions, and presenting well-prepared facts and evidence. Practice in your mind saying 'Hold on a minute - I need to consider what you have just said.' Also practice saying 'I'm not sure about that. It's too important to make a snap decision now.' Also 'I can't agree to that at such short notice. Tell me when you really need to know, and I'll get back to you.' There are other ways to help resist bulldozing and bullying. Practice and condition new reactions in yourself to resist, rather than cave in, for fear that someone might shout at you or have a tantrum. If you are worried about your response to being shouted at then practice being shouted at until you realise it really doesn't hurt - it just makes the person doing the shouting look daft. Practice with your most scary friend shouting right in your face for you to 'do as you are told', time after time, and in between each time say calmly (and believe it because it's true) 'You don't frighten me.' Practice it until you can control your response to being shouted at.
5.have faith that your own abilities will ultimately work if you use them
Non-assertive people have different styles and methods compared to dominant, aggressive people and bullies. Non-assertive people are often extremely strong in areas of process, detail, dependability, reliability, finishing things (that others have started), checking, monitoring, communicating, interpreting and understanding, and working cooperatively with others. These capabilities all have the potential to undo a bully who has no proper justification. Find out what your strengths and style are and use them to defend and support your position. The biggest tantrum is no match for a well organised defence.
6.feel sympathy for bullies
Re-discover the belief that non-assertive behaviour is actually okay - it's the bullies who are the ones with the problems. Feeling sympathy for someone who threatens you will psychologically put you in the ascendancy. Aggressors are often grown from children who were not loved, or from children who were forced to live out the aspirations of their parents. Be kind to them. In many ways they are still children.
ASSERTIVENESS AND SELF-CONFIDENCE
how to help build, boost, and develop self-confidence and assertiveness
Building self-confidence and assertiveness is probably a lot easier than you think. 'Non-assertive' people (in other words 'normal people') do not generally want to transform into being excessively dominant people. When most people talk about wanting to be more assertive, what they usually really mean is:
1.'How can I become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people?'
2.'How can I stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)
Pure assertiveness - dominance for the sake of being dominant - is not a natural behaviour for most people. Most people are not naturally assertive. Most people tend to be passive by nature. The assertive behaviour of highly dominant people tends to be driven by their personality (and often some insecurity). It is not something that has been 'trained'.
For anyone seeking to increase their own assertiveness it is helpful to understand the typical personality and motivation of excessively dominant people, who incidentally cause the most worry to non-assertive people.
It's helpful also at this point to explain the difference between leadership with dominance: Good leadership is inclusive, developmental, and a force for what is right. Good leadership does not 'dominate' non-assertive people, it includes them and involves them. Dominance as a management style is not good in any circumstances. It is based on short-term rewards and results, mostly for the benefit of the dominant, and it fails completely to make effective use of team-members' abilities and potential.
The fact is that most excessively dominant people are usually bullies. Bullies are deep-down very insecure people. They dominate because they are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence, and this behaviour is generally conditioned from childhood for one reason or another. The dominant bullying behaviour is effectively reinforced by the response given by 'secure' and 'non-assertive' people to bullying. The bully gets his or her own way. The bullying dominant behaviour is rewarded, and so it persists.
Dominant, bullying people, usually from a very young age, become positively conditioned to bullying behaviour, because in their own terms it works. Their own terms are generally concerned with satisfying their ego and selfish drives to get their own way, to control, to achieve status (often implanted by insecure ambitious parents), to manipulate, make decisions, build empires, to collect material signs of achievement, monetary wealth, and particularly to establish protective mechanisms, such as 'yes-men' followers ('body-guards'), immunity from challenge and interference, scrutiny, judgement, etc. Early childhood experiences play an important part in creating bullies. Bullies are victims as well as aggressors. And although it's a tough challenge for anyone on the receiving end of their behaviour they actually deserve sympathy.
Non-assertive people do not normally actually aspire to being excessively dominant people, and they certainly don't normally want to become bullies. When most people talk about wanting to be more assertive, what they really mean is 'I'd like to be more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people.' Doing this is not really so hard, and using simple techniques it can even be quite enjoyable and fulfilling.
Importantly, the non-assertive person should understand where they really are - a true starting point: non-assertive behaviour is a sign of strength usually, not weakness, and often it is the most appropriate behaviour for most situations - don't be fooled into thinking that you always have to be more assertive.
Understand where you want to be: what level of assertiveness do you want? Probably to defend yourself, and to control your own choices and destiny (which are relatively easy using the techniques on the next post, not to control others.
For people who are not naturally assertive, it is possible to achieve a perfectly suitable level of assertiveness through certain simple methods and techniques, rather than trying to adopt a generally more assertive personal style (which could be counter-productive and stressful, because it would not be natural). People seeking to be more assertive can dramatically increase their effective influence and strength by using just one or two of these four behaviours prior to, or when confronted by a more dominant character or influence, or prior to and when dealing with a situation in which they would like to exert more control. Here are some simple techniques and methods for developing self-confidence and more assertive behaviour.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF
INTRODUCTION
Undernath the many layers of your ego is your authentic self – the you who was there before years of unconscious programming by world around you created the personality that the people who know you are all too familiar with.
This authentic self is intrinsically valuable ,completely unique and naturally confident .Its primary directive is simple:
To be authentic in every situation.
TAPPING INTO AUTHENTIC POWER
1.Stop for a moment and really take time to vividly imagine how would your life be if you were more at ease with yourself than you are now….
2.How would your posture be?
3.Shift your body so you are sitting like that now.Sit the way you way you would be sitting if you were feeling completely confident and congruent .Fee the feeling of confidence , strength and ease behind your eyes.
4.How would your voice sound? What kind of thoughts would you have about yourself and what you can achieve? What kind of things would you say to yourself?
CONCLUSION.--Remember , the more you do this exercise , the faster your life will be change.You naturally becoming the confident ,dynamic person you really are !
Programing Your Mind For Confident And Success
PROGRAMING YOUR MIND FOR CONFIDENCE AND SUCCESS
Read through the exercise before you do it first time ….
1 .Locate your internal voice .Just ask yourself ‘ where is my internal voice ?and point to the location where you hear the word.
2 .Now I would like you to imagine how your voice sounds if it is tottalk confidence.Is it louder or softer than usal?Is it clearer and easier to hear?stronger or weaker?do you speak faster or more slowely?
However your voice sounds when you are really positive and confident ,put that voice in the same location where your internal old voice located.
3. Take a few moments to think of some of the negative suggestion you hav habitually given yourself in the past,things like.
‘ I am not very confident.’
‘ I am terrible at giving presentation.’
‘ I am never find someone to fall in love with me.’
4.For each statement ,come up with its positive opposite.
‘ I am a naturally confident person.’
‘ I give excellent presentation.’
‘ I am extremely lovable.’
5 .Finally, I want you to repeat the new ,positive suggestion to yourself in your new confident internal voice.
It feels totally difference when you talk to yourself like that ,dosen’t it?
Remember , what you practice you become .Just keep practicing talking to yourself in a positive way until the positive suggestion override the negative .BEST OF LUCK…………………
THE POWER OF POSITIVE SELF – TALK
THE POWER OF POSITIVE SELF – TALK
The hypnotist in your head
We always making auto – suggestion to our mind. For exemple ,when you are about to try something for the first time ,do u tell yourself, ‘ I bet this is going to be fun !’ or do you say to yourself like , ‘ I can’t do this ,’ or Who do you think who you are?’or even ,’ I might well even not try – things never work out any way ‘?
We all need our internal voice to help us navigate our way through the world.It’s useful to be able to say to things ourselves like , ‘I must remember to call frank’ or Umm. I like the look of her ‘ or ‘ Get out the way car coming!’
However ,far too often we use the power of our self-talk to limit us by talking our self out of doing something before we have even tried.Most people giving themselves suggestion for bed feeling , inaction and lack of self-confidence , and then wonder why they feel so bed !
Imagine you had someone living in your home with you had continually pointed out everything that was wrong with you and your life in a really annoying tone of voice .How long would it take to you to want to kick that person out of your house and out of your life?
Wel .your mind is the one place where you have complete domination.And if the voice living in your head isn’t supporting you ,it’s time to replace it with one that does.Because like it or not ,the results you are getting in your life have everything to do with what that voice keeps telling you.
WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?
As an experiment . listen to your internal voice over the course of today and notice the number of negative suggestion you are giving yourself.You may even right doen so that you can get them out of your head and see them for what they are.
In fact, for the next week , whenever you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself in ypur mind I want to do this.
STOP IT !
Now ,let me be clear – I am not suggesting that you go around pretending that you are perfect .I am just saying that when you speak to yourself in more positive manner ,you will get more positive result.
What you feed gets stronger and as you stop criticizing yourself and begin cheering yourself on instead ,you will not only feeling better,you will be growing stronger and more confident each day.
Monday, February 18, 2008
changing your self-talk
Changing Your Self Talk
Change Your Self-Talk For a Better Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is one's belief in oneself. It refers to one's confidence in his actions, beliefs and competencies. Having self-confidence is the key towards a successful and fulfilling life.
Self-talk can be described as that little voice inside one's head which can either be beneficial or detrimental to one's self-confidence. This inner voice usually critiques, give comments, or praise one's deeds and actions.
There are different views about self-talk in relation to building self-confidence. Some people may associate self-talk to the obstacles towards attaining true confidence in oneself. This can be true in the cases of people who have no drive to take the pessimism out of their heads. This can later become a vicious cycle where a person is perpetually trapped in a downward spiral of self-esteem decline.
There is also a school of thought which believes that self-talk is an important tool in developing self-confidence. The inner voice can be seen as a teacher, a mentor, a critique who gives constructive comments and a friend. Self-talk has been employed by successful people in their careers in fields such as sports and show business.
Here are some few helpful tips on how to utilize self-talk towards developing a healthy self-confidence:
1) Listen to your inner voice
This is the first step in making good use of self-talk. Identify the inner voice in you and listen to what it is saying. Ask questions like, regarding the contents of the thoughts, the situations which brought about these thoughts and the other factors which could have aggravated the situation.
Remember that this is to be done under the general goal of building self-confidence, so try to be as honest as possible.
2) Thoughts Assessment
After the thoughts have been identified, it is time to assess them. What are these thoughts saying in general? What attitude towards the self is being projected by these thoughts? How have I responded to these kinds of thoughts in the past? What have these kinds of thoughts instilled in me throughout the years? Have they been helpful to me and my quest towards self-confidence?
Another important thing to assess is the way a person responds to the thoughts that are being said by the inner voice. A person might think that negative thoughts are empowering and that they give the much needed push to attain one's goals. Negative thoughts and comments can be helpful in the short run; however, they do more damage than good. Negative thoughts instill a general feeling of hopelessness and incompetence, especially if one fails more than once in a certain endeavor. Viewing life in a positive light is the way towards building self-confidence. When a person stumbles down, the inner voice should say "stand up, you can do it!" rather than "you're pathetic, stay down before you hurt yourself again!"
The general tone of the inner voice is as important as what it is saying. Negative tones should be controlled and be reversed into positive ones.
3) Make a difference
Dealing with one's inner voice can be a daunting task. If it's hard to talk to somebody who wouldn't listen, it's even harder to talk and listen to oneself since there can be no sensible argument that could happen
Getting rid of the negative thoughts inside one's head will give the positive thoughts some space. It is all about rephrasing the negative thoughts to make them positive. One's concept of the world is based on his views of the world. You develop self-confidence by feeling good about yourself. The inner voice should not have control of the body it is the person who should have control over the inner voice.
Self-confidence is like a pair of eyeglasses, having the right pair can make one enjoy the beauty of things to the fullest. Life, if one truly looks at it, is all about perception. One will never enjoy life if he perceives it with much negativity. This is also true in terms of viewing oneself. Self-confidence is tied to having true happiness. True happiness can only come from within a person’s heart and believing in oneself is the only way to achieve happiness.
walking with confidence
People walk all the time, but the fact is, most people are afraid of walking. People would tend to look at the street (literally) rather than put their heads up and look at the people who are walking along with them. Some would stare at big billboards and advertisements, take out their phones from their pockets and pretend to call someone and do other stuff while walking. These are common signs of poor self-confidence and these are all manifested in walking.
So, how can one's self-confidence be portrayed in walking? Self-confidence is one's own view about himself and his capabilities. Walking is one of the most basic human tasks and usually won't require a conscious effort, therefore, walking takes the focus off his fancy clothes and equipments and tells a lot about his personality. Walking depicts a person's ability to carry oneself in any kind of situation.
Walking faster can improve one's self-confidence in a variety of ways. It has been found by surveys that people who walk faster are seen as important people. Walking a bit faster would make an impression that one is busy and is involved in significant tasks. It is all about making a self-image for others to see.
When walking faster to communicate a message of self-confidence, one must not overdo it to the extent of panting and looking exasperated. It's just a matter of carrying a bubbly and comfortable self.
Walk for the Benefits
Studies have shown that walking briskly would equate to burning at least five calories per minute. Another factoid- If one walks a mile, he burns 20% less calories than if he had run. This may look disappointing and may encourage one to run rather than walk but this should be taken in the context of everyday life. People usually complain about having too little time to exercise, that's why walking to our destinations whenever possible is recommended.
When one exercises regularly, he will eventually feel the benefits of exercising. He would feel more relaxed, his breathing becomes better and his muscles stronger. Exercising also makes the mind stay sharp. Walking, as a form of exercise, involves the whole body coordination and thus, it gives what people might consider as a whole body exercise. Walking also makes the mind stay sharp because through walking, oxygen is delivered more efficiently to the brain, and blood flow is improved. Maybe this is the real reason which would explain why walking faster can boost someone's self-confidence. More than building an image for other people to see, walking also makes one feel better, thus boosting his confidence.
Walking as a form of exercise not only gives multiple benefits to person's physical attributes, it also adds to one’s happiness since exercising would make person release more endorphins which are "happy" hormones.
We've discussed the benefits of walking and how it improves one's self-confidence. Here are some tips on how to properly walk with a goal towards improving self-confidence:
Faster!
Look Up!
Sway Away
Mind Your Things
Walking doesn't require much effort however; walking with confidence requires practice and devotion. Walking can deliver numerous benefits in different levels to the person especially in terms of self-confidence. Walking tall is being tall amidst all the challenges in one's life.
Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.
Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.
Build Self Confidence
1. Dress Sharp
Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.
This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.
2. Walk Faster
One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important
.3. Good Posture
Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
4. Personal Commercial
One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.
5. Gratitude
When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.
6. Compliment other people
When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.
7. Sit in the front rowIn schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world,people
constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.
8. Speak up
During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
9. Work out
Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
10. Focus on contribution
Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition
What is self confidence?
How to gain self confidence
Today is one of those days when your group has to make a presentation to a client. This is an important occasion because it is an opportunity to get your boss' attention. It could mean a raise or a promotion if you could just muster the courage to stand there in front of these people and present your proposal. The problem is, your shyness gets the better of you, and you are relegated to the background.
You sat there mesmerized, as your colleague Elena made a winning presentation of your proposal. She stood there, dressed in a simple gray suit that spelled confidence! "Why can't I gather enough courage to present my work to these people when I know this project like the back of my hand," you ask yourself.
SELF -CONFINDENCE This is what you lack, and this is what your colleague Elena has. But what is self confidence? Is it the ability to speak in a loud voice so you can get people's attention? Is it about power dressing?
Self confidence is an attitude that is characterized by a positive belief that one can take control of one's life and of one's plans.
People who are self confident are those who acknowledge their capacity to do something and then proceed to do these things. They do not rely on the approval of other people in order to affirm their existence. It is enough that they know they have the capacity and the potential to do something, and the guts to do it no matter what others may say. People who are self confident take advantage of the opportunities that come their way.
While the process of attaining self confidence starts from childhood, an adult can still gain self confidence through his determination and through the support of his family and friends.
Parental support and acceptance
People begin to develop confidence while growing up. The role of parents in instilling self confidence in their children is very important. Parents who are always critical of their children without acknowledging the latter's strengths unknowingly dampen the development of their self confidence.
On the other hand, parents who are always willing to give support while encouraging their children to take a step forward will most likely rear self confident children. Parents who make their children feel loved and accepted despite their imperfections will most likely encourage self confidence.
Lack of self confidence is not proportional to a person's abilities. In fact, there are people who are extremely talented and able but they lack self confidence to show these abilities.
If you are wanting in self confidence, then you must continuously do things that will help you gain confidence.
Identify your strengths and weaknesses and capitalize on that. Make full use of your strength and gather positive points. This will help you gain self confidence. Do not expect everything to be perfect because you are bound to do something wrong along the way. Nobody is perfect and everyone is culpable of making mistakes.
Acknowledge your abilities and talent and take stock of them. Do not under estimate yourself. Try to recognize every little thing you have done which has become successful. Try to learn a new skill, and try to learn new things as this will make you a better person.
Look for things that make you feel good about yourself. It can be photos of past achievements like when you won a race or won a debate; it can be a poem you wrote which was published in a book. Concentrate on things that you have achieved and take it from there. This will give you more confidence to do other things in life.
Developing self confidence is not easy especially if you do not think highly of yourself. If you want to be self confident, avoid things that will discourage you from gaining confidence. Do not dwell on past mistakes or failures because it will make you feel insignificant. Being a defeatist will not give your confidence a boost.
Better yet, concentrate on the positive things that you have done and accomplished and make them your inspiration. In time, you will have more faith in yourself, and hopefully, more confidence.
In the other pages here we will narrow our focus, look at the specifics and come up with definitive ideas and suggestions that you can put to work in your life to achieve increased confidence in all you do.
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